It was the day before Christmas, and all through the House
Not a member was working, not even a speaker named Straus.
But the Nutnet was stirring, with tea party zeal
Writing emails and poems, a last-minute appeal.
On Paxton, on Chisum, on anyone but Straus
Christmas will be ruined if a Jew runs the House.
Then a guy called Apostle stepped into the breach.
He is full of shit, but boy he can preach.
He had a premonition, a word from above
And he spoke it to his followers, and anyone who gives him love.
“We must rid the House of this man named Straus.
My elephants are raging, check Monica’s blouse.”
They frothed and foamed, and spread deceit
It wouldn’t be Christmas without partisan heat.
In the name of the Lord, and in the name of ideology
They launched their crusade without apology.
Every legislator on Christmas beware
The Nutnet is coming, and no one will be spared.
They are coming by bus, and they are coming by sleigh
To kill the infidels and save the day.
If you don’t acquiesce, they will threaten a primary
They have the Tea Party mojo, their reach is legendary.
So enjoy Christmas legislators and loved ones
Enjoy the lutefisk, ham, and burnt buns.
When nights falls, and Christmas has passed.
The Tea Party is coming to scorch your ass.